Taglines to Movies That Should Never Exist

"An uproarious apartheid adventure!"

"One Night. Six Trannies. Two Condoms. What would you do?"

"The incredible true story of the most beloved PBA Champion of all time."

"Euthinasia has never been this much fun!"

"What If You Had A Universal Remote... That Controlled Your Universe?

"Something bitchin' this way comes..."

-SS

Let's Hear it for White People!

I want to start out by saying that I respect and celebrate Black History Month as much as the next guy, but usually around day 19 it starts to irk me how quick people are to forget just how wonderful and special white people really are. Granted, we've been responsible for some of history's greatest atrocities but can't that be said about most races? (I'm looking at YOU Australian Aboriginies). I guess my point is let's not let the bad outweigh the good. I want you to ask yourself, where would we be without white people?

Read a good Mitch Albom book lately? Thank a white person!

Did you happen to find that pefect pair of khakis at the Gap? Thank a white person!

Have you ever been stuck behind a queer-ass electric car? No, you say? Thank a white person!

So, the next time Two and a Half Men has you in stitches, take a moment to realize and respect how far we've come as a culture and who we have to thank for that.

-SS

Newsflash!

Award winning coverage from the World's First Comedy-based Website!

-SS

Congratulations, New York Post!

This ran on the front page yesterday and it's the reason why the irreprepressable New York Post can't be out done when it comes to tastelessness. The picture

Learnin' New Words!

Horrendeuce:(noun) Feces; with extraordinary properties, most commonly an irregular shape or abhorrent stench.

EXAMPLE: After a night of heavy drinking, John Candy was apt to leave an Horrendeuce in the toilet of his favorite all-night diner.

(also found at www.addictionary.org)


-SS

Hold on to your butts...

Greetings Friend(s)!

Congratulations, you are reading my first official forray into the world of uproarious bloggery! I bet when you woke up this morning, you couldn't imagine stumbling upon such an honor. Well, things are going pretty well for you, I think. It's finally all coming together in your life, no more sleepless, lonely nights! That's because this is only the first in a series of particularly hilarious posts. And by God, with your love and support my posts will be so hilarious they'll crush the spirits of my best friends and colleagues.

Why so ADVERSARIAL, you ask? Aren't you guys supposed to be a comedy TEAM, say you?

Well, the short answer to both is keep your nose out of my goddamned business, but since this is the first post, I think I should explain myself just a bit:

Yes, we are a comedy team in the sense that we write, perform, and sleep together. But we are not a team in the "all for one and one for all" sense, because we are constantly competing with each other to get the biggest laugh. This healthy spirit of competition is evident when we step over eachother's punchlines during live shows or when Justin pushed Andrew down two flights of stairs on his birthday. Though it's not about quick delivery and physical violence for me. For me it's about a miniscule sense of self-esteem, so much so that I cut myself every time one of their jokes kill, which unfortunately for me, is quite often. One time, Andrew was doing his famous Charles Durning impression for my Grandmother and he had her going so bad I had no choice but to go into the bathroom and cut off my pinky toe. I miss that little guy.

So in the interest of my health, I kindly ask that you read my posts twice as often as my friends Andrew, Justin, and Sean, and laugh a little bit harder when you do. Do it for me, Steve, the Gorilla with the lowest self-esteem (believe me, in this group that's saying something).

Warm Regards,

Stephen Sajdak


P.S. Okay, there's no real way for me to know whether or not you're reading or enjoying my posts more, so I suppose there's no reason to ignore the superior posts made by my colleagues. The only thing I do ask is that when you see me in person, you tell me how much the rest of the site sucks.

While you wait

I passed a hardware store and the sign read, "Keys While you Wait"
Then I thought, isn't everything technically "While I wait"?
How about serving me some burgers, before I know I want one.

- SS